On Love and Discipline

I saw a mother slapped her 2 year old son (well, he looks 2 year old to me) in the middle of the street while I was waiting for a jeepney ride. It was heartbreaking. Imagine a kid crying for her mom not to leave him. The mom was already about two arms length away. The child was inconsolable. Then the mom, suddenly went back to her child and slapped him 3 times. It was like a series of gunshots - bang! I didn't see that coming.

I couldn't explain why she did what she did but, I couldn't for the life of me, comprehend why a mother would do such a thing.



I remember a few days back one of our tenants left her daughter outside the house because she stayed out late without asking permission from her. Her daughter cried outside their apartment for almost an hour. My neighbor even went out to slap her daughter with a slipper because she's noisy. She begged and begged until there's just a whimper. Then she let her in.

I talked to her the next day -not to meddle about their domestic problem but more to inform them that some of our neighbors threatened to go to the barangay to file a complaint because of last night's commotion. She apologized but explained that she did what she did to teach her child lesson.

As a mother, it's a tough act to do - balance love and discipline. We want our children to feel that they are loved but at the same time we want them to follow our rules. Sometimes, we fall prey into focusing on them following our rules than us loving them. But of course some of us would contest that punishment is largely about love. We punish to reiterate our concept of right and wrong so our children may know by heart good manners and right conduct. We love this way. We bear the suffering of seeing them suffer just to instill discipline in them.

I'm not the type to pass judgment. I don't know which discipline style works. Some parents would spank or hit their kid as a form of discipline. Some parents won't. I actually don't. I never hit my daughter or inflict physical pain. I would let my daughter stand on the corner or in worse incidents, I would left her alone in the CR and endure her relentless crying and begging just to prove my point. After that, I'll wipe her tears, explain my point and tell her "I love you." It's my style and it works for me.

Discipline is a tough act. And there isn't a universal way of doing it. My rule is, if I don't approve of it, I don't do it. I couldn't discipline now and feel guilty after. When it comes to disciplining my children, I don't go higher than my threshold. I work within my tolerable limits. And thank God, it has worked for us so far.