When a Loved One Left for Good and Some Things I Learned While Preparing for a Funeral

It's a fact of life that we should all be prepared for... That our parents would go before us and it's a child's responsibility, a final act of love, to give them the proper burial.

Death, as morbid as it sounds is a natural course.  One day, in his perfect time, all of us would have to go. And no matter how dreadful the topic is, one way or the other, we have to deal with it. 

My father-in-law passed away last September in the United States. He was a good man. He loved my daughters and welcomed me to his family.  Although he's been sick with the Big C for the past several years, he's passing came to us unexpectedly.  As a matter of fact, we're trying to find ways to spend our Christmas in California, together with him and my mother- and sister-in-law. But truly, there are certain things in this world that we don't have any control of. And at the end of the day, the Lord's power is so immense, that no matter what we do, He's will, will takeover everything.

I must say that the gift of cancer is time. Although it greets you with the possibility of someone being taken away from you, it also forces you to race against  time... To make more memories, to prepare for the inevitable, to deal with unfinish businesses. It also gives you the opportunity to accept one's fate, be at peace with oneself and ultimately, be closer to God.

After Lolo Pedro's death, Tatay Fermin's hits closest to home. It forced us to deal with pain and the scenario that people who knew and love him would want to pay their last respects.  The reality of grieving while having to arrange for an appropriate funeral service is imminent. So we went with the flow of events.  

Ramir went to the US just days after Tatay's death. Tatay has a one day viewing there, then his remains were cremated. After some days, Ramir, Nanay Dely, her sister and brother-in-law went home to the Philippines.  Tatay's finally home. 

We hanged this tarpaulin outside our house days before his body arrived from the US.

Below is the list of the things I learned while preparing for Tatay's funeral service.

1. Choose a funeral home to take care of all our needs - urn, lights, flowers and just about anything that they can cover. In our case, we went with Floresco Funeral Homes in Malabon. We were very happy with their servcies.  They gave in to all our requests - from a TV rental where we played Tatay's audiovisual presentation to the easel where we put Tatay's picture. They also helped us loo for Tatay's urn.  They also arranged the flowers and the lights for us. They also let us borrowed a cooler and arranged for ice delivery. They also clean the premises nightly which made the whole place tidy. I realized that once you have a good funeral service provider, you'll save yourself a lot of trouble.

2. Know where to get food. People would start to come in and you would need to entertain them. The least of your worries should be where to get food to serve to your guests. If you know where to get them, you wouldn't be on panic mode. 

3. Get all the help you can get. If people offer you anything - errands to buy the things that you need, help to clean the pantry, cook food for free, stay behind so you can sleep - be grateful and accept them.

4. Make the arrangements for the church and schedule a mass with the priest. The date and time of the funeral mass should be scheduled ahead of time. Ours wasn't that smooth. We learned some days before that our priest wasn't available on the day of the internment.  Since my father-in-law's church was Aglipayan, an alternate priest wasn't readily available.  We held the mass on the funeral place then just did the prayers for the dead on the church.

5. Arrangements should also be made with the hagad (patrol police). You'll need road assistance for the transfer of your dearly beloved from the funeral place to the church. The hagad are your go-to guys.

6. You should finalize details for the final resting place. Tatay's final wish was for his ashes to be brought home in their own house in Malabon. We have a glass encasement made atop our grotto to serve as the repository of Tatay's ashes. 

7. Get all the necessary papers. You would need a death certificate. In our case, the death certificate was authenticated at the Philippine consulate in California. We then filed this at the DFA (Department of Foreign Affairs). The DFA would forward the certificate to the NSO (National Statistics Office) so we can request for an NSO-certified death certificate. This in turn can be used in claiming death and burial benefits from SSS.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my father in law for giving us loving memories. He accepted me in his family and treated me like his own.  He took care of my children and loved them unconditionally. We will never forget him and we would always be indebted to him for his love and kindness.

To you Tatay, we know that you're in a better place.  We hope that we were able to make you happy while you're still with us. We miss you but our hearts will never forget.  Watch over us, until we meet again.